A teenager, a toddler and ranch dressing
My husband and I have been married almost 8 years and together for 12.
When we met, he told me he had a daughter. I didn’t think much of it then we got more serious, and I got to meet her. I fell in love. Sweetest little blonde haired, blue eyed 3 year old girl I’d ever met.
Fast forward 4 years together, moving in together, and fighting cancer( I’ll share that story later,) and we were getting married. Cameron told people it was her wedding. 🙂
We built an amazing life. We had a nice home, we did fun things on the weekends, we grew.
Cameron grew. And grew. And grew. I feel blessed that God gave me time with just her. I always say I know I didn’t give birth to you, but I do love you fiercely, like my own.
And the next thing you know, we find out we are pregnant. That was in April of 2012. Cameron was 11. It was like God had picked the PERFECT time… We had room in our house for a new baby and we were so excited.
And then May 4th, 2012 came, and I miscarried. I know now that there was a reason God decided to keep our baby, but at the time, It was the most difficult thing I’ve ever gone through in my entire life. I still think about our little baby in heaven every day.
Fast forward again to October of 2014. Beginning in July of 2014, I decided it was time to get healthy. I joined the gym, changed my eating habits and started working out with friends. I remember the conversation we had one morning while jogging outdoors.
“I have this feeling that I’m not going to get the chance to reach my goal because I’m going to get pregnant,” I said, through huffs and puffs.
“Oh, you’re not… you’ll get there! Don’t worry about that, and you know, if it happens, it happens!” my very sweet, amazing, guardian angel of a best friend says back to me.
And then a couple of days later, I went to lunch with a co-worker. I had been “clean eating” for the most part of the past 3 months, and I had completely lost the craving for any type of foods I ate in the past.
But that day, I ordered ranch dressing… And here’s how that lunch conversation went…
“I do not know what my problem is, but I could seriously drink an entire cup of this dressing today! I just want to dump it all over everything on my plate!” I said.
“Maybe you’re pregnant!” my co-worker, who herself, was pregnant at the time.
“Uhm, no… I’m not…..” I said… and the entire time, I thought… “Maybe I am….”
So, like a rational person, I called my husband and told him he needed to stop at Walgreens and buy me a pregnancy test. He asked me if my period was late. I said, “no, I don’t think so.” He asked me if I had any other symptoms, I said, “no, I don’t think so…” He asked my why I thought I was pregnant and I said,
“Because I ate ranch dressing at lunch today.”
Eye roll so large I could hear it.
But he did, he went to Walgreens, by God, and he bought me the damn pregnancy test. Only one. One test to tell me whether or not I was going to go through this again. One stick to pee on, to tell us whether or not our life was going to change…
I peed on the stick, and sure enough, It was positive. At this point, I was a mix of million emotions. I let myself be excited for a second, but then quickly felt very very afraid. I wasn’t ready for this right now. The timing wasn’t great, I was just getting myself in a good place health wise so I could have a baby in a year or so, but now was not the time….
And then I started thinking about the possibilities, but I quickly stopped myself because of the fear that came from doing that, only to have my heart broken again.
About an hour after I took the test, and told my husband, who was just shaking his head because of the way things went down, my mom showed up at our house and asked me what was wrong…
“I’m pregnant.” I said. She asked me how I knew.
My response… “Because I ate ranch dressing at lunch today,”
We went to Target and I got an economy size box of pregnancy tests. I went home and peed on them all. Same thing….. two lines, plus sign, flashing word “pregnant.”
Fast forward 3 years and today, we have a 15 year old blonde hair, blue eyed cheerleading, golf playing freshman in high school and a blonde hair, blue eyed, mischievous looking, loving his momma 3 year old preschooler.
The love that my two kids have for each other is a bond that I can never see broken. Maddox waits by the door for Cameron when she comes home each Sunday. She can’t wait to hug him and give him kisses the minute she walks in the door. They may be 12 and a half years apart, but the love they have for each other knows no age. I thank God every day for this.
I know what love is, because of the three people I call my family. I know what love is because these two kids allow me to be there for them and to teach them about this world. I know what love is because I am a mother.